An everyday Aussie attempting to quit smoking!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Days 2 & 3: Cravings!

So 'quit day' went well... what about days 2 and 3?

Day 2

I'm starting to feel like I'm going to be successful. It's past lunch time and I've only had two cigarettes, that's good right? Well, it felt good at the time.

I get a re-assuring phone call from my quit buddy +Shazz Beddison (who is way better at this quitting stuff than I am), and I'm proud to tell her that I've only had two smokes so far today!

I'm still feeling strong, and I know that every cigarette I'm NOT smoking is doing me less damage.

+Natalie Campbell tells me over on Google+ that she's with me (attempting to quit), minus the "everyday Aussie" part because she's on the other side of the world.

She usually smokes about half the amount I do, but she's doing great with her quit attempt! She's down to 1 or 2 smokes a day, and has just ran out. It's nice knowing that someone else has been having a few ciggies on their way to a smoke-free life.

I ended up smoking one more smoke than I did on quit day! :-(

Day 3

I wake up and smoke, I wait a while, and I have another. I decide that there isn't many smokes left - so I'll just finish them off, and then I won't have access to any (yeah right). I've already smoked much more than I'd like to admit to.

I remember to put my dermal patch on after lunch. (Oops!)

I give +Shazz Beddison a quick call and let her know where I'm up to. She's doing perfectly as I expected. I'm proud of her. I tell her that I'm starting to differentiate the need for a smoke and wanting one. I almost always want a smoke, but most of the time I realise that I don't really need one.

I wonder if these patches are even doing anything other than irritating my skin. I consider discarding them and trying to do this without them. I then consider the possibility that they are doing something, and that taking them off is only going to make the cravings worse. I decide I'll be staying on them - for now.

Before I know it, the smokes are all gone. It's time to start feeling good again! I can do this!

I get through the afternoon with an eCigarette. I can't really inhale it as this particular one is stronger than I'm used to and closes my lungs up (I have asthma). I try and tell myself it's working for me.

At dinner time, I start getting annoyed and snappy over the most stupid things. (Sorry +Liz Davison)
After dinner, I know I'm at breaking point. This is one of my favourite times to have a cigarette. I'm suffering the most difficult cravings that I've ever had ~~during this attempt~~ in my life!

I decide it's best for everyone if I go and buy some cigarettes. I buy one of the cheapest brands hoping I won't enjoy it, even though I know deep down that I'll put up with it. I feel weak, but instantly happier once I have that first puff. I don't really feel happy, I just forgot that I was so grumpy!

I think the cravings settled down a little when I went for a drive to get some smokes from the local Woolworths (supermarket).
The cravings must have settled for one of the following reasons:

Time had elapsed
I knew I'd have a smoke soon
I was driving (I love driving)

I'm not feeling as confident about quitting anymore. I should really call the Quitline and order a quit pack. Maybe that will have something useful in it? Maybe they'll have some advice for me?

I know that I've failed today. But tomorrow is a new day, and I'm still keen to quit.

I wonder how +Natalie Campbell is managing? I haven't heard from her today. It's quite possible that Natalie has ended up in gaol for killing someone, but it's also possible that she's doing really well and is smoke free (fingers crossed!)

P.S. Gaol is the correct way to spell Jail in Australia. Most Aussies still spell it 'Jail', probably because of the game Monopoly.

The Quitline can be contacted on 13QUIT (137 848)- in Australia. Sorry Natalie.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Day 1 (Continued): Good, but needs improvement...

The day hasn't gone as well as I'd liked...

This morning I woke up barely able to breath (as per usual) and didn't have a cigarette to help me cough up the phlegm off my lungs, which normally helps. By (ab)using a Ventolin inhaler, I managed to clear my airways and cough up the crap. I know this will get worse before it gets better. I'm not worried, I knew this was coming.

11AM: I've forgotten to put on the patch until a few minutes ago, but I'm feeling strong. I arrive to a doctor's appointment to be told the doctor is running late, and I have a few people in front of me still. I nearly walked outside, but knowing this is one of the triggers (killing time) I decided to sit in the surgery where I can't have a smoke. As I walk into the waiting room, I notice that there is no seats available (unless I want to squish in-between a family). I walk out the front. Not only do I want a smoke because I've left, but I'm also annoyed at the doctor being late (they always are, they should learn to manage their time better!). I'm even more annoyed that this is a private consultation that I'm paying for, while the other's I'm waiting for are likely getting it for free.

Looking back as I type this, I feel that my thinking (paid vs free) was very inconsiderate. Australia has a great health care system that I'm proud of, where many doctors will 'bulk bill' the government for essential services. My appointment was commercial in nature, and not covered by Medicare.

I walk across the road and buy a small pack of the cheapest cigarettes I can. I'm not opting for my usual brand as I want to enjoy it as little as possible. I have my first smoke and I feel sick - I'm not sure if it's the different brand, or if it's my determination to quit. I don't feel like I've failed yet, but I do realise that this isn't part of my goal. I still feel strong.

My appointment went really well, I had to have a medical assessment to determine my fitness as a professional driver - Public Hire Car Driver Authority. After the doctor told me to cough a few times (etc.) and a urinalysis I wasn't expecting, I'm given the all clear!

2PM: I've been coming in and out of offices for the last few hours, these are my usual triggers. I keep holding myself back. When it's time to go home, I have a smoke! :-( I still feel strong, and a little sick.

8PM: I've just enjoyed a really yummy roast dinner (chicken). This is one of the best times to have a smoke. I decide to have one, hoping that I would really enjoy it. I puff hard on it, trying to feel it in my throat. I feel nothing. I need another.

I haven't told +Liz Davison about my mishaps yet, and she starts knocking on the locked bedroom door (I'm smoking outside, on the other side of the bedroom). I tell her to wait a minute or walk around. I'm feeling ashamed for smoking, and hoping not to upset her. She does neither and looks out a window and can see me smoking. I'm hoping she isn't upset at me, as I haven't had a chance to explain...

I've told her all along I'm trying to quit, and I've offered no guarantees. I don't want her to feel the way I felt when I caught her smoking after she had quit. I will not lie about my smoking, and don't feel I should need to.

9PM: +Liz Davison talks to me about a trip she's been planning for us (and my 12 year old daughter) for the last bit of the school holidays, I get annoyed at her plans for no real reason at all, and don't even try and negotiate something that would make us both happy. I go and have a smoke. This time I don't feel so strong, and feel like I have failed. The cigarette does not help.

11PM: I'm finishing up this blog post now, I'm reserving a cigarette to smoke tonight as I know the cravings are very strong. I realise now that I need to start managing and avoiding triggers better. While I have been writing this, I have not felt like a smoke - until I think about finishing up (a normal trigger). I will not allow myself any further cigarettes tonight, no matter how strong the cravings are.

If you're a non-smoker, you'll probably think that I've not been successful. If you're a smoker, you'll see that I have been.

I didn't do as well on my first day as I had hoped. This is just day 1, of what I imagine will be a very long time.

I've smoked less than a quarter of what I usually do. I can't remember the last time I did this.

Got any tips for me? Please leave them in the comments section on this blog post.

(You might have to click on the "Comments" button below)

Day 1: Quit Day!

Day 1

I've talked about quitting for years. I keep telling myself it's too hard, and that I enjoy smoking (I don't).

First of all, who am I?

I'm a 27 year old Australian male, who was brought up in one of Sydney's lower socio-economic areas. I've been smoking for about 18 years, and have probably had an addiction for about 16 of those years.

If you're wondering if I really was around the age of 9 when I first started smoking, your maths are correct. The kids in my neighbourhood (myself included) would often steal smokes from our parents and go down to the park to share them. We thought we were really cool! If I had any idea of the consequences (mostly financial and health) I wouldn't have even considered 'lighting up'. I've always felt ashamed for stealing from my mother, even if the financial amount was insignificant.

This blog is dedicated to my father-in-law, the late Richard Innes, who sadly passed away in April, 2013.

Richard was not only a father-in-law, but he was like a dad to me. He was a great mate who is missed greatly.

Richard was an ex-smoker who quit 'cold-turkey' (without the use of nicotine cessation aids) and always encouraged me to quit smoking. Somehow Richard managed not to come across as pushy like everyone else does. This encouragement is one of the many things I miss about Richard.

I've tried quitting smoking several times before, but only once did I have my heart really set on quitting. I was 14 years old, and I was about to become a dad! (You didn't even need math this time).

I remember lasting a couple of days without smoking, but when I did give in and had a smoke, I was so worried about nicotine poisoning that I removed the patch and started smoking more frequently again.

I've tried to quit a few times since without being 100% ready to quit. I found the drug Champix to be very helpful, but the side affects were too many, and too severe for me to consider taking it again.

It's now it's the 7th January, 2015. It's quit day! I've not bought any cigarettes this year (I had a few packets left). I'm feeling nervous and stressed out. I have one cigarette left at around 3AM and I haven't gone to bed yet. I don't feel like a smoke at present, but I decide to smoke it so I'll have a fresh start when I wake up... I leave a note to myself on my phone via the My QuitBuddy app:

"Last smoke, scared and doubtful"